The Key to a Happy Union? Don’t Lose Yourself


It’s no secret that relationships of all types have their fair share of ups and downs – whether you’re dating, living common law, married, etc. But the one thing to always remember is never lose yourself in a relationship.

When you’re in a committed relationship, it can be very easy to lose sight of who you are, because your life involves another person and it’s not just about you anymore. You’ve got to learn to compromise, sacrifice and put someone else’s needs ahead of yours. It can be a challenge, but through mutual love, respect and communication, you can find a happy balance between your needs and your partner’s needs.

When you are with your life partner, you naturally feel as though you are a part of them and they are a part of you – that is perfectly normal and how it should be, but it’s also equally important to not forget who you are as an individual.

Stay true to yourself, your passions, and what drives you to make yourself happy. That positive energy will circle back to your significant other and in turn keep you both living harmoniously and happily together.

Essentially, you must grow in unison as individuals.

While it’s always great to have similar interests, you and your partner are allowed to like different things and have different hobbies. It keeps both of you interesting in your own special way.

For example, my husband is a major scuba diving enthusiast, and I’m not. I’m more of a snorkeler but anything beyond that just isn’t for me. And that’s okay. Never force yourself to be into something just to impress your partner because you would be doing it for all the wrong reasons. You’ve got to want to do it for yourself first and foremost.

So while I don’t share the passion for the sport, I do show my enthusiasm for his passion for it. This is very important.

Case in point: On our last vacation to Mexico, we met a couple who’s husband is a diving instructor and his wife of 40+ years won’t even go near the water. It was amazing to see such a stark difference in interests in a married couple, but what I distinctly remember was how condescending the wife had been about her husband’s passion for diving. She commented about not ever watching any of his underwater videos because she just “didn’t care”. Now clearly, if they’ve been together for as long as they have, her husband has gotten used to his wife’s ways but it doesn’t make it right.

You should never criticize your partner’s interests just because you aren’t into it – that will not only make them feel inadequate about the things they enjoy doing, but it could also cause an unnecessary rift between the two of you and lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.

When you show genuine care for your significant other’s passions, it won’t matter if you aren’t as into it – just showing that support will be enough.

So while my husband enjoy’s his diving, I have my own hobbies that keep me happy and the one that we both do share is a vested interest in going to the gym and working out. There’s nothing better than living an active and healthy lifestyle – and doing that with your partner is an added bonus.

In one interview, actress Candace Cameron Bure, who’s been married for 20 years, was asked what her secret was to a happy marriage and her answer summed it up well:

“Love, respect, communication and keeping a healthy and active interest in your spouse’s passions. We all grow and evolve. It’s important to make sure you do that together.” – Candace Cameron Bure

So let this just be a friendly reminder for anyone in a committed relationship: don’t forget who you are and what makes you happy. It’s all about finding that happy medium between satisfying your own happiness and making your partner happy. Of course, it’s not this cut and dry when kids are involved, but if you have this foundation established beforehand, then it will be much easier to sustain that kind of lifestyle even when a child is in the picture.

So grow and flourish independently but together at the same time and you will always find yourself in that happy and peaceful place.


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